im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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