The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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