since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
