margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
