OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize