theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
