just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize