i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
