I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
