So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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