walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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