I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Randomize
