I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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