Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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