finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
