Is it because I queefed?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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