At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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