Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
