ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
