So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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