would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
