the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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