I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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