I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
