bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
