I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
