I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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