Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
