Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I could fuck to npr.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
