She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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