The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
