It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
