No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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