theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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