addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
