dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
