He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
