Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
