you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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