I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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