Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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