her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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