Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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