My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
