I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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