I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
