i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
