I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
