You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
