I need help removing her.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
