what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
