im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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