My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
