you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
