ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize