I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
