Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
