i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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