Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
im calling her cock vulture from now on
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
