God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
