Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
