i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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