I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
