Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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