i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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