I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
