you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
