Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
