Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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