I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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