so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we made out on top of his cat.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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