You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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