So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
