i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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