Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
