Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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