Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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