It's like God shit irony all over that family
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
