i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
