Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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