I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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