girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
