I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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