This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
