You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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