He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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