so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
