you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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