Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
