1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
