WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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