i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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