Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
