He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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