I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
