My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
