i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
