U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
