just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
