So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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