Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
