people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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