thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
