I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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