Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
