I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
third nipple confirmed
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize