now i know why i became what i already was.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
