u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
