If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
