So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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